Artist in residence - in a hotel

The former lance corporal reckons he is the only painter in the land to live in catering staff quarters alongside the chef, receptionists and waiters.

"It's so great, I've incorporated some of the gang in the pictures," laughs Roi, who is bringing a touch of Michelangelo to the poolside at Damson Dene, in Crosthwaite.

Having already worked on his unique brand of talent and wit in the hotel's dining room, Roi is about to create his own version of Sistine Chapel prophets in the swimming area.

"It will all be bound up with Atlantis.

Fortunately, not many people know what it looks like, but I have it in my head.

"I want to portray holy man Ezekiel as Neptune, using Michaelangelo's fantastic pose and several figures from his flood scenes.

It would fit in well."

Michaelangelo is hero to the comedian with a brush, who got his first big artistic break as a young lad - by winning a painting competition for Persil washing powder.

"Dad had given me some poster paints.

I did a picture of a gang of skinheads getting dirty in a fight.

There was no going back."

Art O and A levels clinched, Roi joined the Army.

"Father was a soldier and his father before him.

I thought I should keep it in the family."

In five tours of duty in Northern Ireland, he saw life at its most savage and depraved limits.

Amid the horror and turmoil, he turned to his canvasses for respite.

"Two of my mates were killed.

We were there in the thick of it all, sectarian murders, you name it."

Roi was about to make his final trip to Northern Ireland when his commanding officer diverted him - to an old aircraft hanger in Shropshire.

The building was to be converted to a sports hall and the soldier's artistic skills were needed.

"I had always wanted to paint something big, it was a fantastic opportunity."

Painting the 30ft high doors, he dropped his brush, looked up at the marks left and saw a face.

It was the first in a series of 12ft high sporting figures, later inspected by the Queen.

"When the boss said someone special was coming to see it, I never thought it would be such a special person.

We talked for seven-and-a-half minutes.

I know because I had a stop watch in my pocket.

"She told me she had never seen such a huge painting in her life.

I was a celebrity, for a day.

I knew then that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life."

Post army, Roi spent some time as a calligrapher and illustrator and was commissioned by his regiment to do a painting of the Queen receiving colours.

It was seen by Her Majesty and still hangs in the sergeant's mess.

When Roi was asked to come up with a design for Newby Bridge Hotel's new swimming pool complex, his imagination ran riot.

Using Greco and Roman architecture as a theme, and incorporating a curvy bathing belle - there has to be a laugh - his work has come in for widespread acclaim.

Guests at Damson Dene examining Owenisms in the dining room might snigger quietly at a panel including a bottle of Dr Culpepper's haemerroidal salve, obscurely placed under a pheasant, or admire a Georgian fireplace with pillars made from drainpipes.

"The secret always," grinned Roi, "is never to take life - or art - too seriously!"