IDEAS are still being sought for ways for Kendal to mark the Queen's Golden Jubilee next year.

I quite agree with some of those already submitted and have a few suggestions of my own.

One suggestion was that the town needed some sculpture, and added that it would be preferable if the works of art had some practical use.

How about having some sculptures created in fibre-glass depicting traffic wardens in various "about to pounce" attitudes and scattering them around Stricklandgate.

Moving them about at regular intervals would present a fresh artistic tableau every week and also help to keep the traffic flowing.

Restoring the one o' clock gun to Serpentine Woods was another idea which took my fancy.

A lot of improvement has been made to armaments since the old gun disappeared in 1939.

Coupled to the town's CCTV system and with the aid of laser-sighting it should now be possible to rubber-bullet a shop-lifter or a drunk a day from the vantage point high on Kendal Fell.

Market Hall renovation was another idea I favoured, although in my view it should be rather more than tinkering with the faade.

Much better to revert to the 1970s when it was a real indoor market with local people selling local produce from simple stalls, rather than the semi-shops and junk stalls set up which pass as a market today.

Riverside improvements is another worthy idea, but what is the point of a path if for much of the summer you only have a dribble of water and a lot of smelly weed to look at - even the ducks seem to be walking most of the time.

Much better to stick in a weir somewhere south of Romney Bridge which would create a decent depth of water and a chance to promote tourism with the hire of Cambridge-style punts between the weir and the north end of town.

A big sluice gate would need to be incorporated for releasing water in times of flood, and a bit of a catch fence somewhere near Watercrook just in case any punting tourists were caught out by the sudden release of pent-up water and found themselves rapidly heading for the waterfalls near Prizet.

Kendal Castle is another attraction that could do with some beefing up.

After all, once you have slogged up the hill there is precious little to see except piles of old stones.

Why not wind a helter-skelter track down the mound to at least make the descent worthwhile.

Finally, how about a cable car from Gooseholme to Kendal Heights - the ideal vehicle from which tourists could adopt their usual superior attitude of looking down on the locals.

FLOWERING WIT

AMBLESIDE Flower Show had a men-only floral arts class which suited the humour of C.J.

Poulson of Troutbeck, whose inventive Anything Goes entry used hydrangea, lilies, empty beer cans, cigarette ends and a New Zealand rugby shirt to epitomize maleness.

Laughs like that are few and far between in the cut-throat world of flower arranging, but I do recall one other classic which lightened my day trudging round reporting on the Lakeland Rose Show about 10 years ago.

An arrangement featured wild flowers and grasses surrounding a piece of wooden fencing.

Hanging on the fencing were a pair of pink knickers and the work of art was entitled Enjoying the countryside and Betty.