"A3,000-YEAR Christian organisation will be in Grange," it said in a draft of a story written by my colleague Beth Broomby.

Remarkable, as Christ is believed to have been born just over 2000 years ago, I thought, but Beth had to admit it was a slip of the typewriter and hurriedly corrected it to 300 years.

But what exactly is the United Church of God, of which 300 members will be descending on the town at the weekend?

And how sad that local restaurants have been advised that the local delicacy of Morecambe Bay shrimps may not be served up for them as shrimps are in the designated " unclean foods" lists in Leviticus 11 and Deuteronomy 14.

It appears that the United Church of God believes in the imminent arrival of God's reign on earth which is why I guess they decided that Grange was the ideal place for their conference - after all, for many years the town has been know locally as "God's waiting room."

THE NUMBERS GAME

READING through the lists of films being shown locally these days is akin to reading the football results says my colleague Jim Smith who deals with films in the Gazette leisure section.

Men in Black 2, Rocky 4.

Stuart Little 2, Spy Kids 2.

Superman 2, Star Wars 5.

Psycho 3, Lord of the Rings 2.

Harry Potter 2, Austin Powers 3.

UNBENDING THE RULES

David Sumberg, North West Conservative Member of the European Parliament, says that that Brussels has quietly revoked its silly regulation on how much a banana can bend or a cucumber can curve.

The EU rules - which made it compulsory for supermarkets and grocery stores to ensure that their bananas were a certain length and width and that cucumbers had a precise curve - have been declared unenforceable by two High Court judges in a case brought by the government department DEFRA.

As a result, it will be up to shoppers to decide how they like their cucumbers and bananas shaped and a vast amount of bureaucracy and red tape will now be despatched to the waste-paper bin.

"I gather that DEFRA is thinking about challenging this decision in the House of Lords.

I hope they won't," says Mr Sumberg.

" After all, I wouldn't want people to think that the minister responsible, Margaret Becket, had gone bananas!"

COMPLETE AGREEMENT

- OF COURSE

I WAS amused by the joint letter in last week's Gazette from the four leaders of the parties on South Lakeland District Council.

In arguing the case for the big allowances rise councillors have just awarded themselves, the letter's main thrust was that, as all four parties had agreed the rise, it must be right.

A bit of a false premise that - in all the years in which I covered council meetings the one issue that parties never disagreed was over granting themselves increased pay.

On all other topics they could argue from points of view varying from slightly left of Stalin, to right of Hitler.

But come the vote for more allowances and the hands were in the air faster than a drowning man grabbing for the side of the swimming pool.