So the boy Cameron has become the Conservative Party's new leader.

It's tough on David Davis, but it was his own fault that he lost - his hair looked too permed. The Tories aren't ready for big hair. Ever since they got rid of She of the Iron Perm, their leaders have had fewer and fewer follicles.

At the moment, David Cameron has a fairly dense mullet but that's a suspiciously high forehead. Whilst he endures his turn as Tory leader, keep an eye on the hairline for signs of it galloping north.

Anyway, what is it about candidates with the same first name? During the last election Tim Farron and Tim Collins fought it out to be our local MP. The only thing penetrating the fog of nomenclature was the Gazette's Election Tim-o-Meter. It was tempting, during the Tory leadership race, to run a David-o-Meter but the idea was dismissed as folly.

Over in the Apathy Party (www.apathyparty.co.uk) we don't have these problems, although there is another Colin Shelbourn. The Other One used to be editor of Look-In magazine, the children's TV Times. In fact, I once applied for a job with him. Not as odd as it sounds as I was writing exciting space stories for D. C. Thomson at the time. I didn't get the job. My unique personal qualities were probably outweighed by the potential for confusion in the office.

Clearly this can't be allowed to happen in the Apathy Party, where we prefer to remain in a state of mild bewilderment rather than anything so active as confusion. Fortunately, an Apathy Party founding principle states that only one person of each name is allowed in the party. Mind you, no one's bothered to check the membership list lately. Or indeed find it.

The one I really feel sorry for is Tim Collins. Before the election, he held the shadow education portfolio and was seen as a high flier. A future leader, perhaps. I wonder how rueful he's feeling this week? Never mind Tim, get back into parliament at the next election and the job of leading the Tory party will probably be vacant again before too long.