PICTURE THIS... Cabinet bell tolls and a proclamation is sent around the land of More-or-Less.

Lord Barking and Dame Sandyclogs are most displeased. In their view, small children are just not squealing loudly enough in the paddling pool at Unhappymount Park a situation that calls for the sort of draconian measures only this duo can dream up.

Whist. What better than gallons of water flying up in the air in all directions and what a merry sound it will make gurgling down the village drain, and never mind the hose pipe bans.

The Duo dolefully lament the money that has been spent on the paddling pool but shed no tears for the bucket-loads of the stuff they throw at the Dukes Playhouse and the Storey Institute. Perhaps the buckets are full of pennies from heaven.

A really spooky thing happens in the Land of More-or-Less when you ask any politician, of whatever colour, to define the Dame's utterance children of all ages' tiny two year olds or muscular lads of fifteen?

Eyes glaze over and they speak in the monotone voice of The Terminator, bringing the conversations to an abrupt end with I don't want to speak about this any more'.

The question is, will they be back at the next local elections?

Irene Sutcliffe, Bare.