PICKING up a speeding fine can unwittingly lead to a double penalty, says Phil Brown, of Bowness.

He tells me he was looking for a new motor insurance deal at renewal time and was asked if he had any motoring convictions.

"I can't remember ever being asked previously," he said. "But as I have a two-year-old speeding fine (60mph in a 50mph limit in motorway road works along with the other dozen or so motorists in the same traffic flow) I declared it.

"The premium quote went up by about £20.

"As I have a maximum no claims bonus this must be equivalent to about £60 extra for a two-year-old conviction. Apparently a brand new conviction costs you more.

"So the next time you are motoring steadily along and see the cars in the outside lanes getting flashed by speed cameras, just think about the insurers enjoying the sound of ringing tills they rake in the extra cash."

He adds that he has not made a claim since 1975, apart from when his car was stolen from his drive a few years ago, and says: "I can't see why the intrusion of speed cameras has made me any more likely to make a claim now.

"I wonder if there isn't some connection between the proliferation of these cameras and this new-found income stream for the insurers?"

RUNNING - FOR THEIR MANHOODS!

FELL-running volunteers are being sought by Lunesdale Foxhounds to do a Basil Brush imitation and become human foxes so that the hounds have something to pursue across hill and dale now that they are banned from chasing the real thing.

I think they should be cautious, however, as in the bad old days the practice was to cut the tail off the hunted down fox.

Fell-runners have not got tails, but the alternative trophy which might attract the hunter's knife doesn't bear thinking about.

DELIVERY DISMAY SUE Nicholson sent me a copy of the following e-mail which was sent to B&Q customer services in the wake of Ellen McArthur's record-breaking feat in the giant trimaran sponsored by the DIY firm: "Dear Sir/Madam, "My congratulations to you on getting a yacht to leave the UK on November 28, 2004, sail 27,354 miles around the world and arrive back 72 days later.

"Could you please let me know when the kitchen I ordered 96 days ago will be arriving from your warehouse 13 miles away?"

AQUATIC GNOMES WAY over in West Cumbria the ultimate water garden has been created, but police want it removed, as it is too dangerous.

Highlight of the garden, created by scuba divers 150 feet down in the murky depths of Wastwater, is a display of around 40 garden gnomes.

One can be seen sitting in a wooden aeroplane and another has been given a traditional mafia ending as his feet are cemented in a brick.

Periodically police divers have removed the gnomes because of the dangers to inexperienced divers who linger too long in the depths, but others gnomes reappear within days.