NEW Year predictions have been flying around all week and I see no reason why I should not have a go at this remarkably inexact science.

So here's my view on the likely happenings in this part of the world in 2005.

January: The Government sees sense in the argument of old soldiers that local regiments are important and should not be lost.

"We have decided to reform the Kendal Bowmen," said a Defence spokesman. "After considering appeals and a cost-benefit analysis we have found that it will be far cheaper to equip a regiment with green tabards and longbows, instead of modern body armour, assault rifles and tanks."

February: The High Newton by-pass is shelved yet again as the Department of Transport considers a more environmentally friendly alternative of driving a tunnel from the foot of Lindal hill to Haverthwaite. A spokesman said: "If the new scheme gets the go ahead this dangerous stretch of the A590 could be eliminated by as early as 2088."

March: Mountain rescue chiefs see the futility of having ten teams all collecting funds to maintain expensive headquarters, vehicles and equipment.

They agree to change their role to become purely fund raising operations to expand the use of the RAF helicopter rescue team, which is usually called in to do the job anyway.

April: Morecambe Bay Health Authority manages to balance its end of year accounts by shifting all clinical services to Lancaster and Barrow and revamping Westmorland General Hospital at Kendal as "The Old General Retirement Home."

May: Inspecting the effect of the new 10mph speed limit on Windermere, Lake District National Park Authority members are disturbed that the peace and quiet is still disturbed by wind rattling the halyards and sails of yachts. An immediate start is made on a by-law to ban all forms of boating.

June: In a bid to create a rival attraction to the London Eye and the Manchester Wheel, Ulverston Town Council decides to put the fun back into Furness by converting Hoad monument into a helter-skelter.

July: After six months of having no weekend trains on the West Coast Main Line because of engineering upgrades to make it suitable for high-speed tilting trains, it is announced that normal Saturday and Sunday train services will be restored immediately. Instead the line will be closed Monday to Friday until 2006.

August: After wide-ranging discussions, the Lake District National Park Authority and Cumbria Tourist Board announce merger plans because the main aim of both organisations is the welfare of the Lake District environment and its people.

September: LDNPA and CTB merger plans are abandoned after fundamental differences are found when the LDNPA rejects a CTB plan for a Helvellyn scenic railway, with mountain top theme park and timeshare complex while the CTB is angered by an LDNPA initiative to have all Cumbrian exits from the M6 bricked up and the surface removed from the A6, A590 and A591 to discourage people from driving into the national park.

October: Desperate to keep country sports alive in the wake of the ban on fox-hunting, huntsmen begin training packs of WI members to hunt down and despatch Townswomen's Guild members unwise enough to stray beyond the urban boundaries.

November: Fed up with the inevitable objection that windfarms ruin the unspoiled openness of the fells the renewable energy group switches its policy to make it compulsory for every house owner to have a wind turbine fixed to the roof of their home.

December: Father Christmas is fined for parking his sleigh on the Kendal to Windermere cyclepath. Magistrates reject his defence that it was only a brief stop and that nobody has used the cycle path in years.