I have never really trusted absolute honesty when it comes to relationships. Perhaps that sounds problematic and maybe worrying to some. I don't really know why, but I've always found it difficult to be totally honest. When problems have arisen, I've bottled my honesty in an air-tight vessel and been unable to share it. Sometimes, honesty can be too much to deal with; too profound. It can cause hurt and bring destruction. Or so I thought.

This year I made a new friend. I could describe him as a guru who just appeared in my life at a time when I was a little lost. He asked the right questions and couldn't understand my problem with honesty. What's there to be afraid of with honesty, unless we want to live in a false sense of reality? And, how can we ever expect to be fulfilled if we only give ourselves half-measures; if we are never prepared to give our whole self and our honesty to our relationships?

After coming to terms with this idea, I have a new approach. Honesty is a possession. We all hold certain things to be true. Our truths are our own and remain true regardless of someone else's reaction. So, if I share my honesty with others, they may be able to take it on board or they may not. Either way, I get a result that allows me to live in truth. I can live in reality. If I'm not prepared to be honest, is it because I am afraid or I have concocted an agenda? Sometimes, honesty can cost a lot. However, I'm now a convert and I think it pays dividends.

Honesty has occupied the minds of some of the world's greatest thinkers and they all seem to have agreed on some points. An important part of being honest is being true to ourselves, and if we live in the truth we will be free.

What does it mean to be true to ourselves though? What is our self'? Are we ever really our self' or are we simply nothing more than a reaction to others? How easy is it to lose yourself and what's important to you when you meet someone who impresses you, or someone who fills you with awe, or fear? Being true to our self may involve some flexibility: the ability to change and adapt what is important to us. Perhaps it isn't a sign of being false. Perhaps there is truth, then camouflage, and then lies.

As a child, I was encouraged to admit to the truth. If this wasn't possible to do orally, I could leave a note to explain. This would usually be for something small, like admitting to having broken something or having done something my parents wouldn't be happy with. Strange how even today, when I can't deal with the truth, I write it in a diary first. Seeing things on paper often switches the light on and brings some degree of enlightenment! The truth, written down, can be compelling. We know that it can bring down governments and put people in prison. It can also break someone's heart, or set someone free.

So, next time you bottle up your honesty, ask yourself why you aren't setting it free. Maybe it's because you don't want to let on exactly how you feel, or you don't want to deal with the outcome of revealing your honesty.

Do we ever really benefit from keeping our honesty bottled up?