JUST to cheer us all up ready for winter, Peter Mandelson has been appointed a European Commissioner. He is expected to take up his new position on November 1. But what brief is he being given, you may well ask? Wait for it! He has been given the trade brief which will make him responsible for dealing with the agricultural negotiations in the World Trade Organisation, which are in their concluding stages.

I remember this was the arena in which America called for the end of payments to farmers in Europe as she had done at home without telling us that she was busy dispensing billions of dollars to American farmers but, as she explained, this was not a subsidy, it was more of a "special aid", so that's all right then.

But to get back to Peter Mandelson who, when he appeared on television the other week, declared himself in favour of fair trade, but did he mention the fair trade problems British farmers had with some supermarkets? Did he thump!

Although vocal in his support for developing countries, which of course is EU policy, he was perhaps even more vocal in his criticism of farm subsidies in Europe. He declared that the Common Agricultural Policy would have to be reformed. Where has the poor chap been all year? Does he not know that the CAP has just been drastically reformed? Franz Fischler the newly-retired agriculture commissioner would say of this lack of knowledge "I don't believe it", or words to that effect.

Mandleson's skill as a negotiator is not in question but his role is to defend the European agricultural model, or will he be following his own agenda?

At the Labour Party Conference Margaret Beckett in her speech said "The far-reaching CAP reform that I negotiated last year would, over time redirect public money both to rural development and to the protection of the environment". As we all know, the reform was largely the work of Franz Fishchler where France did her best to see its farmers were not too disadvantaged which means unlike us, French farmers will receive suckler cow payments at least for some time. So what's new?

I understand that Lord Whitty told a conference fringe meeting: "Farmers need to reconnect to the food chain; they must look beyond who they initially supply to and focus on what consumers want high standards of traceability, nutritious, quality and safe food." We would not quarrel with any of that, but I must say I have yet to meet a consumer who has ever mentioned traceability at all. What the good Lord (Whitty) did not say is that food production in the UK is governed by the most stringent regulations anywhere in the world.

Dialect word: Gripe meaning a large muck fork.

Thought for the day: A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.