IF Channel 4 boss Mark Thompson, were to put the legendary Peter Kay on our screens every night, I would never have to attend a gruelling bums and tums' workout ever again.

Not many shows make my tummy ache from laughing so hard. After last week's double whammy (The Services: Monday, 10.50pm and Peter Kay Live: Wednesday, 9.30pm) I was on my way to a washboard stomach.

If you've never experienced the Bolton lad's tiny treasures of humour, you are missing out because there is something every viewer will recognise in his stand-up routine.

As well as it dawning on me, that I have fallen victim to the walking to the dancefloor dance', he has nowconfirmed it's not only my gran who reels off every family members' name before coming to mine and that we are not the only family which brings out the emergency chairs' for Christmas dinner (I always got the piano stool and a table leg).

EASTENDERS was something of a disappointment (BBC1: Monday, 8pm; Tuesday and Thursday, 7.30pm). Or was I the only one dying to see what Den's mistress Kate did with her barnet after Chrissie, the woman scorned, hacked off her hair.

Monday night's episode had me cringing as Dirty Den (right) went on about picking up a new woman. Scriptwriters are obviously basing the greying has-been on club-owner Peter Stringfellow.

"I'm on the pull tonight son, watch and learn," he told protg son, Dennis, as he stood hands in pockets, hair slicked back and upper-lip disappearing.

He'll be wearing white jeans and shades next week.

LOOKING ahead, the love triangle that is Sunita, Dev and Maya loses shape this week as king of the corner-shops, Dev, kicks mad Maya into touch (Coronation Street: ITV1, 7.30pm).

It takes a brave man to admit Sunita, not Maya, is the keeper of his heart so expect tins of baked beans and packets of Hobnobs to go flying when the bombshell drops tonight (Wednesday).

Like Cilla, Maya is a character we love to hate so fingers crossed this isn't the end of the road for this crazy gal.

MEN might want to tune into Channel 4 tonight (Wednesday, 9pm) to see some of the downsides of being bigger breasted. In My Breasts Are Too Big, we follow the fortunes of student Holly, secretary Rebecca and nanny Lindie, who all have something they'd like to get off their chests. All three want smaller boobs, and with knockers down to their knickers who can blame them for booking in for the chop.

WITH the official opening ceremony this Friday (Olympic Games Opening Ceremony: BBC1, 6.35pm), Athens will be under the spotlight as host country of the 2004 Olympic Games.

The only time a shell-suit is an acceptable choice of clothing, will the surreal and spectacular ceremony live up to the precedent set by the millennium venue, Sydney - or will Athens prove more worthy of a mere bronze medal?