IN A wave of football fervour somebody changed the sign on Romney Avenue to Rooney Avenue and that was before the match with Croatia.

Had it been afterwards it might well have been changed to King Rooney Avenue.

And why not? After all young Wayne's football artistry is appreciated by thousands more people than the daubing of long-forgotten George.

Thinking about it, it is perhaps time for a general shake-up of road names and signs in this area to make them more indicative of their use.

Highgate, Kendal, could become Road Works Wind and Ulverston's cobbled main street would be renamed Ankle Turn Avenue.

Others might be: Wainwright's Yard, Kendal - Wayne's Right Yard.

Crag Brow, Bowness Gift Shop Hill.

Compston Road, Ambleside Anorak Avenue.

Lowther Street, Kendal Petrol Fume Alley.

Kent's Bank Road, Grange Pensioner Parade.

Storrs Park Millionaires Row.

WRONG TARGET MY COMMENT that with foam rubber floppy javelins and other wimpish measures school sports were going soft brought a swift response from Tony Mason, head of Cartmel Primary School.

"I agree entirely with you that the world has gone mad with the obsession with safety and the inference that we are all now so feckless that we need a whole raft of legislation to stop us from doing anything remotely adventurous, challenging or, heaven forbid, potentially dangerous," he says.

"But please do not blame the schools for this.

"I know some schools do excuse themselves from certain activities under the guise of health and safety concerns - some schools ban the playing of conkers etc. but for the most part we are hamstrung like everyone else.

"Your real targets for complaint are a legal system gone mad and a public becoming more desirous of suing and making easy money out of public bodies, urged on by insidious advertising from insurance compensation companies and a greatly increased tendency to become American in our willingness to sue rather than take individual responsibility.

"I support you all the way if you will just switch to the real targets."

FLAG FEVER I HAVE been sent an e-mail purporting to come from the Department of Transport which says: "In order to assist other motorists in identifying potentially dangerous drivers, it's now compulsory for anyone with a lower than average IQ and driving ability to display a warning flag.

"The flag (comprising of a red cross on a white background) will be attached to the top of at least one door of their vehicle.

"For drivers of exceptionally low ability, additional flags are required."

STRANGE SLOGAN LANCASHIRE'S new slogan amused Bruce Carnaffin, of Kendal. "The county where everyone matters it sounds as if they are all covered in boils," he said.