This is a very special time of the year as our thoughts turn to one person who came to Earth to save the world. It’s a time for rejoicing, when we all join together to praise his name and celebrate this unique event.
I refer, of course, to the Dr Who Christmas Special.
This is fast becoming a national institution. Each year, the whole family, young and old, sentient and drunk, gather round the cosy flicker of the HD-ready-but-not-quite-digital-round-here-yet flat screen TV and watch the Time Lord’s latest festive adventure. It’s so popular that at this rate he will soon be bigger than The Beatles.
This is the last time we will see David Tennant’s wild, enthusiastic grin and mad hair. After 2009, he departs for galaxies new and a fresh actor will assume the role. This has caused an immense amount of press speculation: Will it be David Morrisey? Russell Tovey? Rhys Ifans? That Irish one off Cold Feet? The list goes on and on but I think we should pause a moment and cast the net a bit narrower.
What we need is a young, charismatic chap who has been selfless in helping others and not afraid to stand up against the forces of evil. What about LibDem MP Tim Farron? If the Tories get their act together, he might be out of a job in a couple of years so he would be available. Or, if we want someone more in the Patrick Troughton mould, we could go for historian Roger Bingham - a scholarly type with a broad knowledge of the past. He might not wield a sonic screwdriver but I’m sure he has a biro or two handy.
As far as the baddies go, we have a few we could choose. The South Lakeland wheely bins, with their electronic chips, seem to be a good substitute for the daleks. And there are any number of planners and councillors who might make good cybermen. I forget what they cry as they march about but “officiate, officiate,” would do.
So there you have it. All of life, from the farthest reaches of the galaxy, could be encapsulated in some of our own, home-grown talent in South Lakeland. I look forward to hiding behind the sofa the next time any of them appear on our screens …
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