The last few years the electronic industry has been very successful in finding new things to sell us.

Statistically speaking, we’ve all got a TV, a radio and a stereo. Recently they’ve persuaded us to have a mobile phone, mp3 player, DAB and a digital camera. And now, apparently, we’re pathetic inadequates if we don’t own a home cinema. This involves replacing the traditional TV with an expensive, widescreen flat thing and cluttering up the living room with several pairs of extra speakers (up to eleven in a high end system).

All this to recreate the cinema experience in your own home. There are easier and cheaper ways to achieve this and here are ten of them:

1. Drag dining chairs into the living room and arrange them in rows with inadequate space for your knees.

2. Hang a pair of curtains either side of the TV set.

3. If you are a traditionalist, make a facsimile cinema organ out of Lego and place it below the TV.

4. Cut out some cardboard heads and tape them to the chair backs. The one directly in front of you should partially obscures your view of the TV.

6. Go outside and queue before the film starts.

7. If you want to view the film in widescreen, hold a letter box in front of your face.

8. Record three teenagers arguing and eating crisps. Play it for the first ten minutes of the film.

9. If enjoying an ice cream during the movie, drop the spoon on the floor. Try to find it without turning the lights on.

10. If you’re really dedicated to the authentic cinema experience, place a bit of old chewing gum under the front edge of your chair where your fingernails can find it during the exciting car chase.

Colin Shelbourn