On Friday morning, I expect to wake up to find that Tim Farron has won the Westmorland and Lonsdale constituency but that the Conservatives have won parliament with a substantial majority.

Sorry about that. Here’s my reasoning:

1. POLLS For the past week, the polls have shown the Conservatives slipping. Their lead has reduced between 14 and 22 points since campaigning began. YouGov doesn’t think they’ll get a majority.

If the general election 2015 and EU Referendum have taught us anything, it’s that polls are always wrong. So the Conservatives will win a substantial majority and be free to continue dismantling the UK and rebuilding it in the vision of their sponsors and non-dom right-wing media owners.

uk.reuters.com/article/uk-britain-election-polls-factbox-idUKKBN18X0MZ http://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-britain-election-poll-orb-idUKKBN18U0UH

2. PEOPLE KEEP BEING A BIT DIM - The most-Googled term in the UK the day after the Eu Referendum was “what is the EU?”.

During the campaign leading to the EU vote, politicians relied on noise, misinformation and unsubstantiated slogans on a bus instead of giving us reasoned argument and facts.

The UK national media had prepared the way for decades with stories of bent bananas and unelected Eurocrats (which are like unelected Civil Servants but foreign).

Expert sources advised against a vote for Brexit but apparently the UK decided experts were wrong and that sticking two fingers up at foreigners was the British way and we’d be fine.

uk.businessinsider.com/what-is-the-eu-is-top-google-search-in-uk-after-brexit-2016-6

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/brexit-google-what-is-the-eu_uk_576d4f06e4b0232d331ded24

http://www.kentonline.co.uk/dover/news/rude-theresa-may-structure-erected-126737/

- Politicians of (most) parties have fallen into line with Brexit, rather than think for themselves. “It was a democratic decision,” they parrot. Hmm … based on an expensive opinion poll which was technically ‘advisory’. Let’s ask the population if we want to bring back hanging. No, we might get the wrong answer? - OK.

- A prime minister is able to keep saying “No deal is better than a bad deal” without being laughed off the stage. In any genuine business negotiation, no deal is a bad deal. It’s also a bad television programme with Noel Edmonds but that’s not relevant right now.

- Brits continue to obsess about immigration despite objective studies showing that it has at worst zero impact - and at best a net benefit - on the country’s income. (Note some of the links are written by experts and so may not be palatable to all readers.)

https://fullfact.org/immigration/immigration-good-or-bad-economy/ https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/feb/18/mass-eu-migration-into-britain-is-actually-good-news-for-uk-economy

- Trump became US president. So that’s a narcissist who thinks the way to run a major international power is via watching cable TV and tweeting.

(Strike that - former major international power; Trump’s stance on the Paris Climate Agreement has probably handed the title to China for the rest of the century.)

- We still have nuclear weapons. That’s formerly grown-up countries like us, not ones run by narcissists like North Korea and er, um … ok the USA at the moment but hopefully not long-term.

- Some of us think man-made climate change is hokum despite, well, you know, experts with their years of study and scientific method. What do they know? Oh yes, gravity. That works. Oh, and scientists are responsible for all of the major technological developments since 1609, damn them, but they’re definitely wrong on this one. It was chilly yesterday, so I know.

- Even after the first prequel came out, people still went to see the other two Star Wars prequels.

So, I’m not hopeful for Britain or it’s place in the world. To be honest, if things go the way I expect I doubt there will be a Britain soon in any meaningful sense.

So good luck tomorrow. Choose wisely, wherever you are and try to do it on the basis of evidence rather than ideology. You might even redeem the country.