Cartoonist and writer Colin Shelbourn takes a tongue-in-cheek look at the General Election 2017 I don’t credit David Cameron with a great many good ideas but the idea of fixed-term parliamentary elections is certainly one of them.

It prevents opportunistic prime ministers calling elections when it suits them, enabling them to gain maximum political advantage. It fixes elections at five-year intervals and allows voters to get on with their lives without pointlessly being subjected to campaigning and political noise.

On April 18, Theresa May called a general election.

This is known as a ‘snap’ election because it is designed to cause the patience of the electorate to snap and, as a consequence, the turnout to be low. Tory voters are arguably more politically active on these occasions so they’ll probably win. (UKIP voters are even more keen, but as the Conservatives have adopted all UKIP’s policies, they’re pretty much redundant).

In point of fact, there is one party guaranteed a bigger majority than the Tories - the Apathy Party. On June 8, Apathy Party members can be guaranteed to stay indoors in droves. I predict a 60 per cent landslide.

In preparation for victory, the Apathy Party recently held leadership elections at its annual party conference. This is always an understated affair as no one ever turns up.

So it’s unsurprising that the press and social media failed to report that the Party elected a house brick as its new leader. The reason for this potentially controversial choice is simple; a brick is strong and stable. Of course, this argument disintegrates if the brick is stood upright, in which case it is easily knocked over. This can be caused by contact with another object, for example if brushed against by a voter.

But the same could be said of Theresa May, who seems to avoid contact with voters and other disagreeable objects whenever possible.

The second choice for Apathy Party leader was an egg. An egg bristles with potential, chief among them being its use as a missile to be lobbed at politicians.

However, to be accurate when throwing an egg requires a lot of practice. But this is the Apathy Party and, frankly, who can be bothered?