CRIMINALS in Ambleside must keep early hours, otherwise I am not sure how the Lake District National Park Authority's latest ideas is going to work.

Improved lighting at Ambleside's Lake Road car park in a bid to reduce crime has been approved by LDNPA planners, but they say South Lakeland District Council's scheme to install three five metre-tall lighting columns "to reduce perpetrated crimes within the car park," will only be allowed providing they are turned off between midnight and 7am.

So for all cooperative thieves it will have to be off with the balaclava, put the jemmy in a drawer and away to bed with a nice cup of cocoa for an early night - some hopes.

WASTED EFFORT A GAZETTE reader who runs an Abbeyfield Society home tells me he has received a nice invitation from Cumbria Social Services.

It asks if the home would like to attend a conference organised by Diverse, the National Gay Prisoners Support and Advisory Service.

The glossy three-page document sets out all the details you may wish to know, including the fee and the cost of an exhibition stand and advertising in a conference brochure.

"I hardly think that elderly, lonely people are likely to be greatly interested, do you?" he says, adding that in any case the brochure does not say when the conference is or where it is.

Obviously more of our Council Tax money being put to good use.

THAT EXPLAINS IT DAVID Sykes went to watch the fascinating and slightly antiquated ceremony of Kendal mayor-making last week and, sitting in Town Hall gallery, he noticed that most of spectators were fanning themselves with programmes to keep cool.

Looking down from on high at the official proceedings his first thought was: "Of course - hot air always rises."

PLAYER WATCH POLICE in Cumbria are launching Stadium Watch, a new initiative aimed at reducing violence, disorder and anti-social behaviour incidents linked to sports events.

If the various sporting events that I have watched in the past couple of years are anything to go by most of the players will have been banged up for misconduct before police ever get round to worrying about what is going on in the crowd.